You can be deeply ambitious and have it be quite incompatible with your makeup.
I’m technical, I’m ambitious, and I’m so fucking sensitive. I’ve been so for my entire career. Microsoft, Elastic, MongoDB. Always chasing hard problems, bigger scope. And the whole time, wired in a way that makes all of it harder than it probably needs to be.
As I age, I find that I became more sensitive, not less. Didn’t see that coming. I’d like to think it has made me a better listener, a better mentor, more helpful to people going through hard stretches. But it wasn’t necessarily helpful for my ability to withstand situations that were by-design going to be tough.
And it can be hard for people who are not as sensitive to understand, especially from the outside. They see someone flinch at feedback and think “toughen up”.
In life and corporate America, you will not be shielded from rough interactions. There’s an idea from Pema Chodron, originally from Shantideva. The ground is tough to walk on bare. Instead of putting leather over the whole earth, you put leather on your feet. I must admit my sandals are pretty thin.
Expect a bell curve distribution in every working environment. Thoughtful people, checked-out people, people with sharp elbows who treat meetings and talent calibrations like a blood sport. The bigger the company, the more of that curve you’re gonna encounter right away. You have to be ready for it.
If you’re in a situation where it is known to be super rough and sharp-elbowed, like hedge funds, or there’s a culture where somebody very much dominates the situation and simultaneously has the power, that’s probably not a good fit. You can try to push through, but just know what you’re signing up for. I’ve watched people grind through that for years. They got what they were chasing and then spent years recovering from the cost.
Being sensitive can often be unhelpful to you taking in feedback. You need that feedback to grow, and yet it can feel that much more painful. I’ve caught myself flinching at input I actually needed, then rationalizing why the person giving it was wrong.
One of the more practical things I ever did was make sure I had a walk-away emergency fund to bridge to the next gig. Enough that if something wasn’t to my liking, I could move along and do something different. This changes how you show up in every room when “I quit” is a real option. With this also comes the danger of you giving up too soon and not pushing through with a new set of skills or experiences.
I think we’re about to enter an era that is gonna be particularly brutal in tech. People have to prepare themselves and think about what is the stuff that is gonna be the right fit for their personality. The roles that need judgment, taste, the ability to read a room, those might actually favor people like us. But the transition is gonna be rough.
Start by knowing yourself. Then decide whether you want to put yourself in uncomfortable situations to get what you want.
PS: Feel free to share your own experiences on this in the comments. I promise not to flinch.